hiatus

been gone for a minute now i'm back again

the places and spaces i've been?

as always a question more loaded than a down and out celebrity;

here there everywhere in between farther yonder near far inside over and out

losing and finding my mind along the wandering ways that i call home;

spiraling outward to sink into myself the way quicksand greedily pulls at toes,

and the people they're attached to.

mexico san diego the town davis west hollywood san leandro yo mama's house,

whatever the name of the place, if i am there, it is called home.

sometimes i leave,

convinced that its warm confines are somehow too soothing warm and restful for my soul,

so out into that wide cold world i go,

ripping and tearing at the tendons that keep me together, that keep me whole,

striving for piecefulness

the tranquility of being billions of particles to the wind,

without the unifying voice that breaks from my diaphragm 

and runs for the border of me,

up through long tunnels that continually strive to keep it down,

over bumpy and unstable landscapes prone to halitosis

past teeth that clench in vain to keep it in,

through the gaps, and out of my mouth...

only to find it's way back home again;  

ah! the circle of life!

but where are timon and pumba when the fear freezes my chest

and the weight of it presses all the air from me?

forces it to evacuate and become a refugee,

always searching and so rarely finding somewhere new to call home.

oh! but what does it matter when the world is my oyster,

full of glittering pearls of beauty wisdom friendship love and truth;

who can begrudge a journey so fantastical as to blur the lines between here

and the realms of the unreal?

not i.

so i continue upward along my spiral,

often slipping, sometimes falling,

but never ceasing to move

towards cloud nine,

which i have never really left, but somehow seems new and fresh

trapped inside the double helix.  

home again. home. again.