so this is the new year

and i have no resolutions. actually, i do have one:stop the bullshit. really, that's it. very simple and straight to the point. of course the ways i'm going to accomplish this exceedingly simple objective are varied and convoluted, but the point still stands: the era of bullshit is over.

one day, i suppose it was a couple of years ago now, i sat down to think about life. i have always been an old woman, and not just an old woman, but a sensible old woman, it just comes naturally to me. even as a child i would spew grandmotherly advice and expertly administer tough love; and my greatest wish in life, which it still is, was to be old; to be past having to care about what anyone thought of me. my official i'm old and free outfit has been planned for over a decade: a jogging suit that makes the little rustling noise when you walk, preferably in a lurid purple and pink floral print, a pair of sunglasses with a gold chain and metallic gold keds, all topped gloriously with a visor perched on completely grey hair {i can feel the breeze against my face as i step out onto the street in it now}. in many ways i already was that old lady, i took the liberty of the old, saying whatever i felt and allowing no bullshit. at this point in my life this truth somewhat concerned me, i didn't want to find myself old never having been young.
so i began to allow bullshit in my life. i became like alice, giving myself very good advice that i very seldom took.

although my sanity has been questioned many, many (many) times i have always possessed this absurdly sound logic that is very out of place for someone of my age. it's apparently hard for people to place my age (i have been carded while buying a lighter), but when people actually have a conversation with me they usually think i'm someone's mother. an extreme example of this being: a few months ago while discussing god with my grandfather, he stopped, took a good long look at me and said, you sound like you've been on this earth a hundred years (considering that he was 85 and a solid 60 years closer to this age than i, i trusted his perception). it never surprised me that my peers thought of me in an elderly a way, my parents are both older, my only sibling is older, and i was a year ahead in school so i was always around people much older than myself, but to have an elderly person say i sounded older than they, that was something to take note of.

2008 was really the summation of all the bullshit i had sown in those couple years, and i think i can say without fear of exaggeration that i have quite the green thumb. and while bullshitting has it's allure, the long lazy days, the drama that results from not letting that sensible old black lady have her say, this young black lady is tired of it and retirement is sounding pretty nice. and i have made steps toward it, i now own a fanny pack and ridiculous sun glasses (no gold chain, i still don't think i'm ready for that yet), pulled out my broom, declared shenanigans and begun to sweep like hell.

to celebrate my re-entry into agedness, i am enjoying a heaping serving of applesauce, listening to records, and painting my nails the color of a lurid jogging suit i hope to own. happy 2009.

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